Dog Wisdom

Dog Wisdom…

1) The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous

2) Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers

3) If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

4) There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams

5) A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

6) We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam

7) Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner

9) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley

10) Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. -Dave Barry

11) Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones

12) If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown

13) My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein

14) Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler

15) Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

16) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

17) Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave Miliman

18) If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain

19) Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras

20) If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret

21) My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. — an OleHoss

Dog Joke-Call to an Airline

A call to an Airline

An airline customer service agent got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board.

He told her the dog would be welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. He also explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.

"I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up.

Cute Dog Quotes

Last week's quotes were so popular, that I'm adding more this week!

Cute Dog Quotes

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. – Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. – Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. – Will Rogers

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. – Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. – Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. – Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. – Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! – Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look hat says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' – Dave Barry

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. – Phil Pastoret

Buddys Joke-Dog Wisdom

Here are 21 great dog quotes. Hope you enjoy them!

Dog Wisdom…

1) The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous

2) Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers

3) If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

4) There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams

5) A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

6) We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam

7) Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner

9) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley

10) Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. -Dave Barry

11) Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones

12) If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown

13) My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein

14) Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler

15) Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

16) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

17) Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave Miliman

18) If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain

19) Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras

20) If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret

21) My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. — an OleHoss

Buddys Joke- To God from the Dog

Here's a funny dog joke from Buddy to get your work week started with a smile

To God — From, The Dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember – to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are laps.

4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

5. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

6. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

7. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.

10. I will not throw up in the car.

11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. And, finally, My last question . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

What drinking will do to you

As a public service for this New Year's Eve, the following is a warning of what drinking will do to you!

What drinking will do to you – so cute

6 beers 2 glasses of wine

2 bottles of wine – Shared of course too many margaritas 3 Kamikazes 7 rum & cokes 1 large purple haze 3 martinis 1 bottle of tequila

All I need to know I learned from my Dog

All I need to know I learned from my Dog…

If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.

Don't go out without ID.

Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.

Be aware of when to hold your tongue and when to use it.

Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.

When you do something wrong, always take responsibilty (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).

If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

Before Dogs

Before Dogs, I….

Never had to fix liver for anything!
Lived in the city; had extra money, and thought I was sane.
Bought clothes for myself instead of dog shows.
Didn't own a pooper-scooper, grooming table or crates.
Thought a professional handler was an agent for a fighter.
Never told my kids to sit and stay.
Would come home from a party at 4am, not leave for a dog show then.
Never worried about parasites or kennel cough.
Now that I do have dogs…I'm soooo much WISER!

Top 10 Reasons You Need a Vacation from your Dogs

Top 10 Reasons You Need a Vacation from your Dogs

1. When your spouse's shocked voice shouts from the shop, "Honey, come quick, I've had a terrible accident!", you show up breathless with a mop and scent neutralizer.

2. You wake panicked in the middle of the night when you sense you suddenly have room to move your body around the bed.

3. You can't sleep unless you hear lots of heavy breathing in your bedroom

4.The emergency number on your speed dialer is for the dog's veterinarian.

5. When someone taps you on the shoulder, you tell them firmly, "Off!", then "Down!".

6. When tempers flare among your family members, you pull out the long forefinger, pointedly raise your voice and shout "Go to your crates, now!"

7 When someone asks what's for dinner you automatically reply, "Kibbles and Bits".

8. When you are walking a ring around the local park and someone points at you and your dog, you raise both arms over your head, whoop and go looking for a ribbon.

9. When shopping, your best friend asks you what you think of that snappy suit in the window, and you scowl and mutter, "Useless, it is the same color as my dog and it has no pockets."

10.When your neighbor points to her crawling infant and asks you what you think of her new baby, you study it for a minute and reply, "Well, a little short on coat and long in the hock, but that kid has a great topline!"

Til next week!

Why dogs hate Halloween

Another "funny" from my email:

Why dogs hate Halloween…….

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