Buddys Joke-Dog or Dawg

To all you dog lovers out there and to those who understand the difference between Yankees and Southerners, here's a translation of Yankee Dogs to Southern Dawgs:

Yankee- German Shepherd Dog

Southern- Poh-leece Dawg

Yankee- Poodle

Southern- Circus Dawg

Yankee- St. Bernard

Southern- "Thank Gawd, Here Comes The Whiskey Dawg"

Yankee- Doberman Pinscher

Southern (2 versions)- Bad Dawg or Dobimin Pinches

Yankee- Beagle

Southern- Rabbit Dawg

Yankee- Rottweiler

Southern- Bad Dawg  AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good Dawg  to Guard The Still.

Yankee-Yellow Lab

Southern- Ol' Yeller Dawg

Yankee- Black Lab

Southern-Duck Fetchin Dawg

Yankee- Greyhound

Southern- Greased Lightnin' Dawg

Yankee- Malinois

Southern- Another Kind of Poh-leece Dawg

Buddys Dog Joke-The Three Suitors

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing female poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly as says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh how childish," says the poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turns to the tall Golden Retriever ans asks "How well can you do?"

"Um, I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my" said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Lab & Golden and says:

"Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Buddys Joke-The Bar

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And what kind of sport is Judo?"

"Rough!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they are on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'gentle'?"

Buddys Dog Joke-The Shepherd and the Yuppie

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Hummer advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a man in a Hugo Boss suit, Gucci shoes and YSL tie,  leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd: "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock, and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parks the car, whips out of his notebook, connects it to a cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens a database and 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech miniaturized printer, plugged into his SUV power port, turns around to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 aheep!"

"That is correct, take one of my sheep," says the shepherd.

He watches the man select a sheep and bundles it into his Hummer. Then he says, "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my sheep back?"

"OK, why not?" answers the yuppie.

"Clearly you are a consultant," says the shepherd.

"That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"Easy," answers the shepherd. "You turn up here, although nobody called you. You want to be paid for the answer to a question that I already know, and you don't know squat about my business-because you took my dog!"

Buddys Dog Joke- The Last of the Shorties

Two drunks were about to board the train at 10 PM when they say the sign: "Dogs must be carried>"

"Hold it," one of them said. "Where are we gonna get a dog at this time of night?"

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When dog food is "new and improved and better tasting", who tests it?

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We wonder why dogs always drink out of our toilets. But look at it from their point of view. Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

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"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to .99 cents a can. That's $7.00 in dog money."~Joe Weinstein

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Buddys Dog Joke- Even more Shorties

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

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"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."~Mark Twain

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Just when you think life is a bitch, it goes and has puppies.

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Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

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Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

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"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."~Unknown

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Buddys Dog Joke- A few more Shorties

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."~Andy Rooney

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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of  a weird religious cult."~Rita Rudner

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"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet…so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper and you get more feet."~Rita Rudner

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"Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you."~Jerry Seinfield

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Money will buy a fine dog, but only love will make him wag his tail!

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Buddys Dog Joke- A few Shorties

My neighbor has a dog that's a snob. His name is Fido but he spells it Phydeaux.

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Did you hear the story about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog?

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"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."~Josh Billings

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"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."~Dave Barry

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"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."~Dereke Bruce

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Buddys Dog Joke-What is a Dog

• Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture int he house.
• They can hear a package of food opening a half a block away, but don't hear you when you are in the same room.
• They can look dumb and lovable at the same time.
• They growl when they are not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to play.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They leave their toys everywhere.
• They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

CONCLUSION: They are tiny little men in fur coats.

Buddys Dog Joke-Show Dog Terms Explained

• Pet dogs raid the garbage. Obedience dogs are very food motivated.
• Pet dogs shed. Show dogs blow coat.
• Pet dogs are in heat. Show dogs come into season.
• Pet dogs run around the house. Show dogs show tremendous reach and drive.
• Pet dogs stand. Show dogs stack.
• Pet dogs get a bath. Show dogs are groomed.
• Pet dogs beg for treats. Show dogs animate for bait.
• Pet dogs jump the fence. Show dogs demonstrate problem solving intelligence.
• Pet dogs bark at other dogs. Agility dogs show excitement before showing.
• Pet dogs are hyper. Show dogs are high-drive.
• Pet dogs steal socks and laundry. Show dogs show natural retrieving ability.

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